I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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