so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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