dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
