the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
