No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
