His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am spending my child support on dildos
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
