dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Terrible idea I love it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize