You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
