I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
