I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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