I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
