I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
