Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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