woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
