its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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