she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My cat gives me a boner
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
