At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
