So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
