I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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