Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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