well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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