Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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