haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
