I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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