How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
