they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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