Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
