You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
