omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
