I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
