Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize