So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
