you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
