every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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