I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
