She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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