he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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