Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
