Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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