im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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