i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
