I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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