he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
