i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
