Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
