Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
