Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
