can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
