The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
