if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
