See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
