Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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