The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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