Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
