I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
