she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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