do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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