My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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