I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
