Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize