he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
