I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
