last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
