How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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