im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
