Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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