Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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