i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
