weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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