wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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