you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
