He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
