question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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