HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
