its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize