haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
