You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
pray to the hookup gods
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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