could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
