your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
