Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
