Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Im part way to drunk.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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