I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
