I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
