im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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