I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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