Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
