another moral hangover. fuck.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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