Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
