I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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