I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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