I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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