i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
