My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
