My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
