I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He has the fingertips of a God
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
