Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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