HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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