shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
