I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
