She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
