I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
