Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
